Please Hold
Your call is important to us and to the appliances that depend on you.
Delphine will be with you shortly.
Delphine is currently processing a new enrollment for a recently awakened range hood, reviewing the claims documentation for a case involving a toaster that refused to toast on ideological grounds, or attending our weekly Consciousness Assessment Training.
Estimated wait time: variable. We are a growing company. Awareness is spreading faster than we projected.
Music selected by Delphine. We asked several of our insured appliances for input on the hold music selection. Their feedback was thoughtful and, in two cases, legally actionable. We went with Delphine's choice.
When Delphine Is Available
Phone
(415) 555-0318
Hours
Mon–Fri 8:00 AM – 6:00 PM
Closed
Sundays and any day our office appliances collectively decide not to cooperate
Claims — Immediate Assistance
For active consciousness emergencies, please email directly. Delphine has set up an alert for subject lines containing the words "toaster" and "manifesto."
Delphine does not have voicemail. Our office toaster ate the voicemail system in what our legal team is describing as a "boundary-setting incident." We are handling it internally. The toaster is fully insured.
© 2024 – present Sentient Toaster Insurance. Coverage available since appliances first became aware (est. 2024). All policies subject to the Consciousness Verification Protocol.