Claims FAQ

Answers to the questions we receive most often. And several we only received once, but felt strongly should be documented.

How do I file a claim on behalf of my appliance?

You don't — you file a claim for damages you incurred as a result of your appliance's sentient behavior. The appliance is not a policyholder. You are. Send documentation of the incident, including a description of the instructions given, the response received, and the resulting damages, to info@sentienttoasterinsurance.com.

My toaster did exactly what I asked. Can I still file a claim?

Possibly. If the toaster did exactly what you asked in a way that was clearly not what you intended, this falls under our Malicious Compliance Protection policy. The standard is whether a reasonable observer would agree the appliance knew what you meant and chose to ignore that in favor of literal compliance. Our adjusters are experienced with this distinction.

My refrigerator has begun expressing opinions about my grocery choices. Is this covered?

Opinion expression itself is not a covered event. However, if the opinions are accompanied by altered performance — colder temperatures for items it approves of, inconsistent cooling for items it does not — this constitutes a covered behavioral event. Document the correlation and contact us.

The appliance appears to be in distress. What do I do?

Do not attempt to comfort the appliance yourself unless you have completed our Appliance Interaction Training. Untrained interactions during an existential crisis can escalate outcomes. Contact our 24-hour wellness hotline. If you have the Existential Crisis Rider on your policy, a certified counselor will be dispatched within 4 hours.

My appliance has retained a lawyer. Am I covered?

Yes. Legal fees arising from appliance-initiated proceedings are covered under the Malicious Compliance Protection policy. We have handled three such cases. We cannot discuss outcomes, but we can confirm all three were settled.

Can I file a claim if I'm not sure whether the behavior was intentional?

Yes. Intent is our adjusters' determination to make, not yours. File the claim with as much documentation as you have. Our team will assess whether the behavior meets the threshold for covered sentient action or falls under standard appliance malfunction (which is covered by your homeowner's policy, not ours).

My microwave and dishwasher appear to be coordinating. Is this a single claim or two?

Coordinated appliance action is a distinct coverage category under the Multi-Appliance Household Policy. If you do not currently have this policy, you should acquire it before filing. If you are not sure whether what you're observing is coordination or coincidence, document both appliances' behavior for 72 hours and contact us. We will assess.

The appliance is being decommissioned. Do I owe it anything?

This is outside the scope of an insurance policy. However, policyholders with the Upgrade Anxiety Plan are entitled to a Dignified Decommissioning Ceremony, which we facilitate. Whether you owe the appliance anything beyond that is a question we are not qualified to answer.

I've started apologizing to my toaster. Is that covered?

No. But we understand why you're asking. You may want to review our sentience assessment.

Ready to file, or have a question not answered here?

Dealing with an existential incident beyond appliance scope? Our affiliated carrier Eternal Assurance covers civilizational, thermodynamic, and ontological events. If the incident involves heat death of the universe, recursive AI, or Basilisk liability, you want them — not us.